Why JW’s distance themselves from non-JW’s.

I received an email from a woman whose brother no longer visits with her because she is not a JW. Here was my reply.

I am sorry that the Watchtower (WT) has broken the relationship you used to have with your brother. Unfortunately yours is not a unique situation. It happens over and over again to the non-Witness relatives of JW’s. The short answer is that you are BAD ASSOCIATION.

I will try to explain why this happens. First, let me tell you my own observations as to why. The WT wants to isolate their members from non-WT influences. Thus their ban on celebrating birthdays, holidays, no sports for their children, etc. These beliefs keep the JW from associating with non-JW’s and prevents the JW from hearing anything negative about the WT. Thus, their chances of leaving the WT are greatly reduced. Their circle of friends includes JW’s only, thus they (your brother for example) is even more dependent on the WT organization.

This is a quote from a JW, “Witnesses are strongly advised not to form close friendships with those who are not Witnesses due to the fact that often individuals who are not lovers of Jehovah do not hold the same principles as us and we can end up in compromising situations which may weaken our spirituality or take us away from serving him. Of course, we should be kind and not rude to anyone and the bible tells us we should follow the course of hospitality towards all, but it would be difficult to maintain a close relationship with someone who is not a witness.”

Every Jehovah’s Witness is under pressure to perform to the expectation of the elders. No matter how much a JW does, the elders are always pressing for more; more door-to-door service, more magazine placements, more studies, more public talks, more meeting attendance and theocratic ministry school assignments, more, more, more! Enough is never enough! And distancing themselves from non-Witnesses is part of this performing to meet expectations.

On top of this, friendships in the WT are very conditional. A best friend or spouse can turn his/her back on a JW at a moment’s notice simply because the JW questions or challenges a WT policy or they slip up by failing to meet one of their standards (for example your brother keeping a close relationship with you.) An X-JW rightly observed: “…they are only friends if I attend the Kingdom Hall.” As long as your brother tows the line and fits in perfectly with their operation, the WT will accept your brother, but the minute he steps out of line, disfellowshipping (and losing all his JW friends and his wife) is a constant threat.

What you are experiencing with your brother is legalism. Legalism is an attempt to control outward actions by means of laws, enforced by penalties. It is fear-based and motivated by guilt. It often fosters a superficial appearance of righteousness because it is based upon a system of man-made standards by which the group can measure one’s spirituality through a religious scale that they made up. This is why the JW’s acceptance of anyone is so conditional. As long as they are performing to the WT’s expectations, they will fellowship with you, but the minute you slip up or buck the system, they will drop you. If your brother refuses to accept their guilt-trip of telling him he can’t associate with you, your brother will have demonstrated that he was not going to bow down to their fear-based control so they would penalize him by removing their friendship.

Legalistic groups like the JW’s make up their own standards and add these to the Bible’s requirements to provide a visible system by which they can measure ones spirituality and determine if they are “worthy” enough for their approval and friendship.

This is legalism! It is the opposite of God’s method of grace. Grace is the control of inward attitudes and outward actions by means of love, without a penalty. It is love-based and motivated by the freedom from the guilt of sin. In God’s system, when a person places his faith and trust in the shed blood of Christ, his sins are completely forgiven so that he no longer fears rejection from God.

Lastly, anyone who is not one of Jehovah's Witnesses is a "worldly person" and therefore part of Satan's system of things. This makes you a BAD ASSOCIATION for your brother. All governments and non-Watchtower religious organizations are also seen as part of Satan's system. Witnesses are forbidden to involve themselves in politics or interfaith efforts for this reason.

A couple of WT quotes:

“Don't associate with outsiders (non-Jehovah's Witnesses). You are too busy for that!” Watchtower, 2/1/74, p.93.

“Remember, you are to have no association with non-Jehovah's Witness friends or relatives. If they are honest and moral, that still does not make any difference.” Watchtower, 2/15/60, pp. 112-113.